I have been on a personal transformational journey for many years. At times I have experienced the incredible changes within myself and how that translated into me living a more wonderous life.
Sometimes the pursuit of growth can seem like a worthy cause and yes, it is, it can also be perceived as a smooth and enlightening journey. This is what I experienced previously and what I had in my mind.
This past year has shown me otherwise.
In this past year and a bit longer, I have had an opportunity to dive deeper into my personal mastery, under circumstances that were and still are challenging me to this day.
What I have come to realize is that the pursuit of personal transformation and mastery, is nowhere near being enlightening. There are two ways we can grow, one is through insights, which the honorable Reverend Michael Beckwith refers to as Satori. The second one is through pain, which he refers to as Kensho.
In my probably naïve past, I gained valuable knowledge about the power of our conscious and subconscious minds, principles of neuroscience, meditation, and quantum mechanics, and how each of these allow us to live the lives we desire and dream about.
All these concepts, tools, principle, and techniques have contributed to me becoming a better me. It led me to falling deeply and unconditionally in love with my husband, after many years of deeply hating, loathing, and resenting men.
Having my heart broken many times was nothing compared to the hurt I felt over the past year and feel now, seeing this human being that I love so dearly in excruciating pain.
I was forced to make a decision to save my physical, emotional, and mental health, which has cost me my financial independence and security. The decision I made, was to resign from my job, at a company I worked for, for almost 10 years. I resigned because the team I worked in was toxic, if anyone voiced an opinion in opposition to the management team, they were taken through a process to force them to leave the company. This put me in a state of constant fear, to the point where I was having panic attacks from the anxiety.
I made this decision before the COVID-19 pandemic hit severely. I had no idea the world would change and the plans I had to earn an income would be completely destroyed because of the lockdown. Seemed the worst time for me to try to become an entrepreneur, during a global pandemic, a global lockdown of the world. And yet that is where I found myself.
My livelihood, my ability to cover my own expenses all gone. For the first time since I started working at the age of 19, I had no money coming in.
The FEAR and ANXIETY were and are uncontrollable. My future felt dim and hopeless.
Through these fears, I continued my personal transformational journey, hoping and praying for some light at the end of the tunnel. Initially things started to seem brighter, I could feel hopeful. I started connecting with like-minded people and this helped motivate me.
In this time, I stopped worrying too much about my current circumstances and put my focus on the two businesses I decided to start.
This was all going well until………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..
Until I saw how my financial situation was deeply affecting my husband, the person I adore and appreciate. For the first time in my life, I feel like a BURDEN, a thorn in his side, the sting in his stride.
I felt and feel defeated.
No matter what personal work I was doing, my situation only seemed to get worse.
Where to from here?
I know there are valuable lessons I need to learn from this incredibly challenging state I find myself in.
Do I know what they are?
Not quite yet, but one lesson might be that it is okay to ask for help, which I still battle with and maybe things will ease off once I learn to let go and just ask for the help I need. Time will tell.
So, in essence, what I can share is that the journey to becoming a better person is not always sunshine and bliss, it can be wrought with darkness and sadness. But both paths will eventually lead to a better me, a better outcome, a better life.
I guess it is just about taking it one day at a time. I also feel being silly really helps me.
If you find yourself in a similar situation, I urge you to be silly, be fun, be cheeky with your loved one, ensure you laugh with them and often. Do it when you are on top of the mountain and do it when you are feeling your way through the deep dark valleys.
Keep on the personal transformation journey, because the valleys will lead you to the path to the top of the mountain, where you can be for a while, but it will require you to come back down. And so, we keep moving between the ups and the downs, knowing that this is the journey.
I wish as you navigate the valleys, you hold love and hope in your hearts, and know that you are not alone, and that you will rise. When you get to your summit, I wish you ease, glory and the knowing you can face anything your journey provides. Enjoy and be blissful 💖